Take Up Space, Sis

Inspired by all the self-esteem work I've been doing with my clients lately, I wanted to write today about the concept of taking up space.

All too often as women do we put the needs of others before our own.

Did you know that statistically women are more likely to develop chronic illness in their lifetime as opposed to men? I could go get the exact book I got this statistic from, but I'm choosing not to do that. If you feel pressed by it, e-mail me and I'll send you the reference =)

Did you know that we develop chronic illness more often because of our exposure to more trauma?

DID YOU KNOW that we are self-reporting in studies to view our health as worse than men because of the inability to be taken seriously when we go to the doctor??

Now, this post is not meant to disregard men's health issues or just bash that species, but when we are talking about taking up space, this is the shit I'm talking about.

Most recently a friend of mine told me she went to the doctor for health issues, and the doctor wouldn't prescribe her the medicine that would help because he said it could keep her from having children. When she informed him she had no intention of having kids, he still wouldn't prescribe it to her "just in case." Her HUSBAND actually had to go to this doctor and request the medicine she needed, which btw-he was given.

This stops this year. In 2023 we are TAKING UP SPACE. We are loud, and unapologetic, and demanding our needs to be met. Because being quiet and kind and gentle is NOT FUCKING WORKING IN OUR FAVOR.

So listen- as someone who (if you can't tell by this post) takes up a lot of space and DOES NOT CARE who is rubbed wrong by it...here are some of the ways I would like you to begin being free and wild.

1. Ask for what you need. Hell, demand it. Tell your friends where you want to eat, tell your husband how to please you in bed, take the day off work to do nothing for anyone else.

2. Stop over-apologizing. If they don't like the restaurant you picked-oop too bad. If they think you're too bossy-welp, leave the space then. Stop apologizing for breathing, and being in people's way, and existing in a lifetime you only get one of.

3. Approach conflict with assertiveness, confidence, and kindness. My people-pleasers are my conflict avoiders, and that is NO BUENO. Conflict is necessary and healthy. As long as we do it right.

4. Say it with your chest. This is actually a funny phrase I say to my guy friends when they're talking shit, but for real. When you speak, say it with confidence. Mean what you say. No take-backs.

5. Being kind and nice are too different things. You can be assertive, demand respect, and hold people accountable, and still be kind. You may not be nice while you do it, but you can do it with kindness.

6. Make room for you first. Above work, friends, family, obligations...make sure there is space for you to LIVE BIG and DREAM BIG.

7. Stop holding a grudge against yourself. Stop talking badly to yourself and then wondering why others do too. Stop letting fear be a dictator instead of a motivator. Fear is your friend. It tells you that you're growing. Judgment is not. Let it go, Elsa.

Okay, so I fully get that this post is going to ruffle some feathers and I'm just anxiously awaiting my inbox to fill with those who felt threatened by this blog. But this is my space. This is our space.

And we are here to live authentically in it!

Cause here's the deal. Women who don't speak their truths, and who play small, and who can't forgive themselves get sick. They get chronic illness, or constant colds. They develop mental illness, anxiety, depression... they get resentful and mad and they lash out at the people they love...at themselves.

So take up space because you cannot afford to play small anymore. To live small. To be small.

What is one thing you can do TODAY to be expansive in the life you're creating?

Y'all take care of yourselves and each other! See you on the gram.