Normalizing Being the Villain

Okay, so I know that it's kind of trendy right now to say, "I'm in my villain era..." but can we ACTUALLY do this?!

And I don't mean that in a..."is it even possible" kind of way, but in a, "YES LET'S BE IN OUR VILLAIN ERA" with lots of exclamation points kind of way.

I want to preface this post by saying two very important things:

1. I use the term 'villain" loosely when I am using it throughout this post. I don't think anyone working on themselves is an actual villain, and I refer to myself in this manner all of the time.

2. I don't mean villain era the way y'all do...I mean it completely differently actually. Let me explain..

I think right now, when people are saying they're in their villain era, they are referring to holding others accountable, setting boundaries, cutting ties, and being unapologetic about who they are. Which is all awesome, awesome, awesome and NECESSARY.

But when I'm saying let's normalize being the villain...what I mean is-normalize being the one who is in the WRONG. Normalizing knowing you're the one who needs to change, who needs held accountable, who maybe even needs cut off until further notice.

So as a self-proclaimed villain...here's what I mean...

Years ago, (don't worry, I am going to quickly summarize)...I wasn't the best person. I'm talking late teens, early twenties. (For reference, I'm 33 now). I was pretty callous, calculated, aggressive, selfish, and self-centered. Granted, I grew up really rough, but those were still my behavioral choices. I spent a lot of time taking care of me, and not caring who got hurt in the process. It got bad for a while...I'm talking jail, drugs, and lots of numbness to others.

But when I started to change and make the shift into being a better me, the VERY FIRST THING I learned to do was take responsibility. Every thing that happened in my life, instead of placing blame or seeking revenge (as was my nature), I would ask myself, "Court, what was your role in this?"

After a while, this repetitive way of thinking caused me to change. This method works so well because we cannot change other people, we can only change ourselves.

But when we change ourselves we find that the events and relationships in our lives change as well.

Also just think how much change and growth there would be in the world if everyone focused on doing this! MASSIVE.

So here's the issue I've run into in both my coaching and therapy career, as well as in my friendships.

People inherently want others to co-sign their bullshit.

Even if they are saying they want feedback, 9 times out of 10, if you give it to them, they get offended and/or can't receive it.

Anytime you check out a thread on social media of people sharing what they learned from their therapists, it's them all saying how their therapist validates them, hypes them up, empowers them...which YES YES AND MORE YES.

But-equally as important, is having a non-biased person in your life holding you accountable. Pointing out your role in things. Helping you to identify your own blind spots. Because how can you ever change/grow if you're never the problem? And you're telling me you're NEVER the problem?? Come on, now.

So here's what I'm saying...let's normalize not just co-signing each other's defensiveness or egos.

Let's normalize reattribution, or in other words, "what did I contribute to this?"

Let's normalize therapists and life coaches who validate, empower, hype and HOLD US ACCOUNTABLE.

And you know what...if I'm the villain for thinking this is the way of the future and of change... I

l'll take that title all damn day.

Love, Light, and a little villain...